I have written before about my ultimately single state and I have written before about my contentment, but what I'm about to discuss is something I haven't yet touched on to this degree. Now, this doesn't necessarily apply to everyone, but mostly to those fitting in this little slot that I find myself in as well.
With a new generation and a new kind of world, change occurs rapidly. With no compass, people of this world wander about trying to make sense of things. But some "truths" remain self-evident: Dating is a very regular, very normal thing to the world and if you aren't doing it then maybe there's something wrong with you. From a Christian perspective, it is not so.
Now I am twenty years old. For some that would mean that I am at an age where marriage is somewhat appropriate. Nonetheless, I am approaching an age of union, togetherness, and, yes, baby making. Weird. But true. I have some friends who may have already met their match and others who are still "in the market." But I am neither. And why? Here's why.
As I said, I've mentioned before about how single I am. As a recap, I'll tell you that, never have I ever: had a boyfriend, been on a date, held hands with another boy, nor had my first kiss. Yes, I am as single as it gets. If you'll remember correctly, I am full of joy and am completely satisfied in my current state. But here's something that I know now that I didn't necessarily know back then: my dreams are taking me in places that I couldn't have imagined... and those places; those achievements prevent me from taking someone for my own at present and in the near future.
My friend and I like to joke about the thought process we possessed as teenagers. Junior High: Oh, yeah, we'll definitely have boyfriends in high school. For sure. There's like 500 kids at that school. We're bound to find someone who will have us. High School: You kidding me? College is the breeding ground for relationships, if there ever was one. I mean, Ring by Spring? Ever heard of it? That is where dating really goes down.
And now, little old university me looks at my next two years and says.... Grad School. Yup. Final answer. That's it. I'm going to fly to London, go to Grad School, meet my British sweetheart and live happily ever after with my royal hubby. But who's to say that will really work out? Obviously God has had a bigger and better plan in mind this whole time and continues to surprise me.
But what are my intentions? In whom do they lie? What is my ultimate goal and how am I to reach it?
This is where I find a little piece of wisdom that should be looked at when the question of dating really comes up. Who should I date? Should I even date at all?
"But seek first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge..." Proverbs 1:7
"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases." Song of Solomon 2:7
My life's goal is to bring glory to the Lord, seeking after His Kingdom and His righteousness and to fear him for all that He is. Everything I do and everything I intend to do should be centered around him, his commands, and his ultimate plan for my life.
Now where exactly does dating come into play for me if I'm first seeking to better myself in Him to prepare myself for my work for his kingdom? I want to go to grad school so I can get as much knowledge as I can on the subject I am studying so that my ultimate work can bring him glory and honor. That is my priority. So where does a man fit in? Well if the Lord is leading me overseas, then any relationship I were to have now would have to end.... unless he followed me all the way there. I mean, through the Lord, anything could happen; it's possible, but not probable.
But my situation is unique. Or is it?
Well, yes. It is, technically. But in this day and age, women are looking to study hard for a potential career. No, I'm no feminist, but women have made strides over the past few decades to accomplish a lot of leeway for our sex in that job-fighting jungle. But women have a special place in God's eyes in which many feminists or liberals of the world today would look down upon, saying that we women are not "helping the cause" or "reaching our potential."
What I'm talking about now are my friends who have chosen the life of a stay at home mom. They have no educational intentions towards a career. Sure, they want to grow in their intelligence, learning more about God's great creation, but they would rather just dedicate their lives to being both a wife and mother. That's their road, and dating for them is an open door to their goal to achieve their work for God's kingdom.
However, no matter what your intentions are, whether they are to establish a career first and then focus on marriage and motherhood, or to skip the first and run straight to home, dating is a tricky, sticky situation. Like the verse from Song of Solomon, dating must be handled with caution; we don't want to arouse or awaken anything that God wants kept quietly sleeping.
A few years ago, my group of friends, all Christ-loving children of God, tried to tackle this "dating" thing. The question was: What is the most holy way of dating? ..... Now that seems absolutely awful. To the untrained ear, "Holy Dating" sounds as if it would require rules such as: both parties must wear monk attire, must not make direct eye contact and stay at least thirty-nine and a half feet away from each other at all times. And touching is strictly prohibited. Don't even think about, you Jezebel, you.
But honestly, if our goal as followers of Christ is to be sanctified daily, bring glory to the Lord and walk in his truth, we as saints are striving for holiness, because our savior was, indeed, holy (and thankfully, by his blood, we are too!). If everything we do, we do in lieu of who he is, then dating, yes, must be sought after in holiness and, yes, for his glory and not just our ultimate enjoyment.
Stop, Olivia. You're taking the fun out of everything, you fun sucker. You bitterly single fun sucker.
Hey, hey, hey! Who said dating was now made void? Cause it isn't necessarily. No no. We will not be going back to arranged marriages here. As I said before, this world is ever changing and with it, traditions are abolished and new ways are brought into full view. But we as Christians must figure out how to live in it while not being of it.
I was recently reading through Song of Solomon in my ESV Study Bible cause I'm kinky like that. While looking over Wayne Grudem's footnotes on each verse I was brought to a richer understanding of the text (I focused mostly on the "She" or "Bride's" Chapter's or Sections). Clearly, these two are very much in love. However, they lie in wait of one another, as they are betrothed and have not yet undergone the marriage ceremony which happens later on in the book. The key word here is "betrothed." In this day, we'd call that engaged because they are undoubtedly going to be married to one another.
*It is good to also note that, back then, kissing in a romantic sense, was only left for private places. Kissing, like family member kissing, was open and welcome. The bride-to-be says that she wishes that her beloved was her brother so that she could kiss him openly and as often as she'd like.
Song of Solomon is our only full book in the Bible solely dedicated to a love story, and one which has probably the most varying interpretations of any other book. But, as I read it, I get a sense for both the story of two people in love with each other and also the divine romance that occurs between Christ and his bride, the church.
But, where is dating in the Bible?
Yeah, no it's not there. Dating wasn't really a "thing" back then. But we do know that, as the Bride of SoS talks to other ladies who have not yet been spoken for, she warns them against "arousing or awakening love."
Oh, yeah. That's just like sex and sexual stuff. Oh, we know that. Yeah, that one's obvious.
But, can it just mean sex? Or can it simply mean "love," i.e. being in love? And how does one arouse that feeling of love? That commitment of love? That rock that is love? There are many different kinds of love, but, like the love between Christ and his Bride, it is a love that conquers death and that brings new life. Now that's love.
Well, after seeing the trial and error that my friends went through (both metaphorically and literally), I know one thing that remains true: God is enough. Though your heart may yearn for a kiss, a hand, a touch, a word from someone you admire, God is enough to sustain you. And when you meet someone who you think is the one, and you want to cuddle all over them and show them your love, God will "satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land." Remember who you're really committed to and you will not be shattered.
And there may be a time ordained for you, to find the one you are to love but before them come others who shadow in comparison. But, how are you to discern? You don't know who's out there. You hardly know what you want. How are you to know if the one who could be is not the one who will?
I could go into detail about what different types of dating my friends and I came up with, but that woud make this post more like a novel. I'll save those details for another time, I think. But, I will mention one thing that was extremely important in our analysis of our dating how tos:
No expectations.
Seems pretty simple, right? Well, as a lady, I can tell you that that is no short order. Especially as a girl with an insatiably wild imagination. I mean, even when I see a cute guy pass me in the hall I think about what our children would look like. (Yeah, girls are nuts. I'm not the only one). And at an age where our hearts are itching, it's hard when you think you've met the one you're going to marry to not get a little carried away with the planning. Sometimes, it's even mutual; both parties are planning together and lo and behold, it comes to an end. See that red alert? Again, no expectations. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If there is no real commitment then there's no guarantee that it's going to work out.
So proceed with caution. Keep it incredibly friendly, especially in the beginning. And, please, try to hold back on the physical side of things. Always strive for purity and holiness and know that your Savior, too, was tempted and overcame it. Let him inspire you. Yes, you may date people if you so choose, but verbalize strict boundaries and keep your husband in mind... MEANING: You must remember that if you do end up marrying someone, you do not know who he is at present. Therefore, be wary of your actions with the one you're dating. And in this crazy process, you may get hurt and you may falter, but the rain will strengthen your soul in the end and you will grow. And, most importantly, always remember to keep your sights set on the kingdom; run the race set before you; run to Jesus.
And, with joy, we can know that, if God so wills it, your beloved will come, daughters, and he'll be running that race right along side you. He will be before you and you will search him and you will learn him and you will find him in his mind and in his heart and realize that he has the same core doctrines as you; he is lover of Christ. And he surprises you and you grow in your knowledge and wisdom from him and he from you daily and he makes you want to be better. You find an affection and a care for him. And all of a sudden, you have grown so deep that your friendship becomes something more. And so oxygen floods the embers, and the thoughts begin to race and the dreams begin to grow. But, you check yourself. But, you remain at bay. You remember her words and know that you stand on dangerous ground. But so does he. And there are no aversions. And it is a love that forgives and a love that forgets and a love that is willing to die so that the other may live. It mirrors our Lord and his beloved. And there you find the commitment and there you find the ring that means forever and it is there that the journey has only just begun.
For me, I've got my priorities and I know where I stand. I know that my patience must be stretched a little longer. But I know, oh how I know, that my God has sustained me, that he is blessing me and that it is good. I used to be a wreck when it came to thoughts of love. I used to mourn over it. It was shameful, I do admit. But in my heart and in my mind I am convinced that the love of the Lord is sharp and true and his plan overarches my life; I'm on the float, but he's looking at the whole parade. And I trust in him and in his word, in his promises. I know that his plans are better than mine and that the wait will be so very worth it.
With faith I press on in contentment and in joy.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Real Tired: A Springtime Rant by Yours Truly
As this new year rolls in and the season of flowers, sunshine and butterflies breaks through the fog and frost, I consider a few things.
The change in weather means a change in wardrobe. But who said I was ready for that? I suppose it's my very own fault that I indulged a bit too much over the holiday season. Nonetheless, I am a California girl, born and bred, which means: when the sun comes out, the clothes come off. MEANING, beaches and... bathing suits. Two piece, in your face, bathing suits. Not only am I not ready for that, but the public sure as heck is not ready for that.
Now don't you go all, "Oh my gosh, no, stop it, you're beautiful," or, "What are you talking about? Don't put yourself down like that," because that's not what I'm saying at all. I do believe that I am beautiful and I am not putting myself down.
Allow me to explain.
Why am I not ready for that? Well, as I mentioned before, I got a little too comfortable with the treats that reign supreme after Turkey Day and yeah, I gained some massive poundage. Weighing myself in the beginning of January, I knew it would be a gruesome number. And yeah, it was. I was at my heaviest once again. But unlike my high school days when I would weigh myself or look in the mirror and shed too many tears over it, I gave a dark chuckle. I saw my body change and I was disappointed with myself. Not to the point of sheer terror but more like, "Wow, was I careless and boy, do I have some work to do." It wasn't as much of a surprise as it was motivating factor. I'm dissatisfied and frankly, slightly overweight. So for the glory of the Lord and for my future, I will lose weight. On that day, I made an executive decision to pursue a healthier lifestyle in order to get me back to a healthy weight and place where I was happy with how my body looked, for me and me alone. And and it wasn't going to be some new years resolution that drifts away midsummer. I was and am serious and I count my calories daily and choose my meals wisely.
What brought me to such a rational and positive conclusion? Well, I took myself up off that scale and researched. Thank the good Lord for WebMD where I can put in all of my information and it can assess where I am at and what I must do to be where I'd like to be. And not only this, it told me the range of weight which is considered healthy for someone of my age, height and weight. Now, that was shocking. My range was from 112 lbs to 150 lbs. Who would've guessed such a scale? So wide. So encouraging. Really! I didn't have to lose thirty pounds to be healthy, but just a few to be okay again. So, heck, if I'm healthy, who's to say my body is wrong? Which brings me to my next address.
Now, why isn't the public okay with where I'm at? And, you know, that really just brings me back to my own thoughts about "the collective human eye." For some reason, the only time I can remember the beach being a place of simple, pure enjoyment was when I was a toddler and had little to no cares about how people perceived me. But, with age and puberty, this little mind of mine, tainted with sin and deception, caused me to stumble and judge myself harshly. Thankfully, through Christ alone, I am now in a place where I really don't care how people look at me and how they judge me from afar. I'm in hot pursuit of being more like Jesus, being sanctified by Him on a daily basis; I'm trying my hardest to consider how he views me. And sure, there are self-conscious twinges that leak through, but it's not as overwhelming anymore.
Yet, why do I still say that "the public sure as heck is not ready for that"? Does this mean I care what they think? No. The public isn't ready because, no matter how I view myself, many people will point their cruel finger at me from a mile away and tell me who or what I am based on my body, especially if I'm actually overweight. No, not everyone thinks that way.
But, in short, it is their own body complex and their own misconceptions about who they think they themselves should be that makes people look at me through such a narrow lens.
And the beach, where people tend to show the most skin, is a breeding ground for unhappy thoughts. It's a Judgment Day merely based on appearance, and that is incredibly unfortunate, 'cause, gosh darn it, I wanna bask in the sunshine and I wanna romp around in the waves; maybe even catch a few with my board. I don't need your eyes on me. But, I know how they would look at me, because I used to look at me that way. Psh, you bet I'm beautiful simply because I know I am the handiwork of the God of the universe. Nonetheless, I know I'm not like those girls in the magazines. This doesn't mean I won't go to the beach, cause I just might. But, honestly, I just don't like being in such a negative environment.
Which brings me to my next point: the irony of society. For my most of my life I have been given many an image of what a woman should do, who she should be and, of course, what an ideal woman should look like. And yes, I am real tired of what the media has to say. I mean, just talking about this issue is obscenely exhausting. It's almost becoming cliché. And, you want to know why? Because I am now twenty years old and for as long as I can remember, there has been both the strife over trying to be that woman and the clamor of trying to tell people that they don't have to be that woman. And the argument rings on even today. But, even though we've been talking about it for over two decades, clothing models aren't getting any bigger unless they are selling specifically to "bigger" women. I can honestly say I have no idea when the madness will end. Jesus, come soon.
Sure there have been campaigns which say, "Hail to the real woman! We're all different! And most of us don't look like that! So why not use a variety of women to sell your clothes, because a variety of women are buying them!"
Quick side note: Imagine if only "skinny" ladies bought clothes at stores like Free People, Urban Outfitters, Target, Hollister, etc. Well, for one, all of us other girls would have to learn to sew. But, most of all, those places would go out of business in a heartbeat. Or maybe even be forced to appeal to everyone? *gasp* But, like a utopian society, the concept is practically unrealistic and I don't think a boycott of such proportions is on the horizon, or even in the distant, distant future. Not to mention most of us don't know how nor do we have the time to make our own. (However, if we did achieve such a skill, I'm sure Joanne's Fabrics would be popping up around town quicker than the speed of your multiple, local Starbucks and the lost art of needlepoint would be lost no longer. Our grandmother's would also give us a hefty high five, I do declare.) I digress.
No matter how much we rant in online articles and support such campaigns, things still aren't changing. Yeah, they're apologizing and removing photographs, but they're not hiring a whole new staff because of one little setback. No, it remains the same as it ever was and little girls like I once was will cry into their mirrors because they don't look like that. Here's hoping that they have mommies strong enough to tell them otherwise!
And let me say, too, that all of this absolutely applies to the male population as well. However, I must state with some certainty, and I think men would agree, that women get the bulk of the scrutiny. Why is this? Maybe because, yeah, we tend to like clothes and makeup and feeling pretty in that new dress and trying out that new mascara. It's fun! It's not to say we aren't just as beautiful with no clothes and no makeup on (oo la la!), but, to me, it's like almost like art. It's an expression of what you like and who you are inside; it displays your personality. And so, we women are their biggest clients and all we're seeing in their ads are women in a weight range that may not even be healthy for us. Lame. So lame. Are there any models out there who are 5'5 and 150 lbs? Doubtful. I don't even know if there are models who are 5'9 and weigh a 150 lbs. Possible, but it's a fat chance (ba dum tss).
Basically, I'm just real tired. Real tired of there not being a girl who looks just like me in a dress that I would look pretty smokin' in. Amiright? I see pretty girls everywhere I go, everywhere I go, everywhere I go and they are wearing some outfit that I admire because, darn it, they look fantastic and they do mostly because of the way their body was made (however that may be). I understand the versatility a slender woman has with a lot of different styles of clothes, so you could say it's easier to dress them. I can tell you right now that there are some items I would feel extremely uncomfortable in because of my body shape. But, many a time I will find that a curvalicious woman would look stellar in a dress that looks alright on a girl half her size, and visa versa.
I'm real tired of the same ole same ole because frankly, that's all I've seen. A change would be ever-so refreshing, thank you very much. It makes me want to make my own line and just do it myself. I don't think anyone would have a problem with that. I feel like most people, too, would find it a novel idea. I suppose you could say it would feel like a Spring after a twenty year long winter (hashtag Narnia).
End rant.
The change in weather means a change in wardrobe. But who said I was ready for that? I suppose it's my very own fault that I indulged a bit too much over the holiday season. Nonetheless, I am a California girl, born and bred, which means: when the sun comes out, the clothes come off. MEANING, beaches and... bathing suits. Two piece, in your face, bathing suits. Not only am I not ready for that, but the public sure as heck is not ready for that.
Now don't you go all, "Oh my gosh, no, stop it, you're beautiful," or, "What are you talking about? Don't put yourself down like that," because that's not what I'm saying at all. I do believe that I am beautiful and I am not putting myself down.
Allow me to explain.
Why am I not ready for that? Well, as I mentioned before, I got a little too comfortable with the treats that reign supreme after Turkey Day and yeah, I gained some massive poundage. Weighing myself in the beginning of January, I knew it would be a gruesome number. And yeah, it was. I was at my heaviest once again. But unlike my high school days when I would weigh myself or look in the mirror and shed too many tears over it, I gave a dark chuckle. I saw my body change and I was disappointed with myself. Not to the point of sheer terror but more like, "Wow, was I careless and boy, do I have some work to do." It wasn't as much of a surprise as it was motivating factor. I'm dissatisfied and frankly, slightly overweight. So for the glory of the Lord and for my future, I will lose weight. On that day, I made an executive decision to pursue a healthier lifestyle in order to get me back to a healthy weight and place where I was happy with how my body looked, for me and me alone. And and it wasn't going to be some new years resolution that drifts away midsummer. I was and am serious and I count my calories daily and choose my meals wisely.
What brought me to such a rational and positive conclusion? Well, I took myself up off that scale and researched. Thank the good Lord for WebMD where I can put in all of my information and it can assess where I am at and what I must do to be where I'd like to be. And not only this, it told me the range of weight which is considered healthy for someone of my age, height and weight. Now, that was shocking. My range was from 112 lbs to 150 lbs. Who would've guessed such a scale? So wide. So encouraging. Really! I didn't have to lose thirty pounds to be healthy, but just a few to be okay again. So, heck, if I'm healthy, who's to say my body is wrong? Which brings me to my next address.
Now, why isn't the public okay with where I'm at? And, you know, that really just brings me back to my own thoughts about "the collective human eye." For some reason, the only time I can remember the beach being a place of simple, pure enjoyment was when I was a toddler and had little to no cares about how people perceived me. But, with age and puberty, this little mind of mine, tainted with sin and deception, caused me to stumble and judge myself harshly. Thankfully, through Christ alone, I am now in a place where I really don't care how people look at me and how they judge me from afar. I'm in hot pursuit of being more like Jesus, being sanctified by Him on a daily basis; I'm trying my hardest to consider how he views me. And sure, there are self-conscious twinges that leak through, but it's not as overwhelming anymore.
Yet, why do I still say that "the public sure as heck is not ready for that"? Does this mean I care what they think? No. The public isn't ready because, no matter how I view myself, many people will point their cruel finger at me from a mile away and tell me who or what I am based on my body, especially if I'm actually overweight. No, not everyone thinks that way.
But, in short, it is their own body complex and their own misconceptions about who they think they themselves should be that makes people look at me through such a narrow lens.
And the beach, where people tend to show the most skin, is a breeding ground for unhappy thoughts. It's a Judgment Day merely based on appearance, and that is incredibly unfortunate, 'cause, gosh darn it, I wanna bask in the sunshine and I wanna romp around in the waves; maybe even catch a few with my board. I don't need your eyes on me. But, I know how they would look at me, because I used to look at me that way. Psh, you bet I'm beautiful simply because I know I am the handiwork of the God of the universe. Nonetheless, I know I'm not like those girls in the magazines. This doesn't mean I won't go to the beach, cause I just might. But, honestly, I just don't like being in such a negative environment.
Which brings me to my next point: the irony of society. For my most of my life I have been given many an image of what a woman should do, who she should be and, of course, what an ideal woman should look like. And yes, I am real tired of what the media has to say. I mean, just talking about this issue is obscenely exhausting. It's almost becoming cliché. And, you want to know why? Because I am now twenty years old and for as long as I can remember, there has been both the strife over trying to be that woman and the clamor of trying to tell people that they don't have to be that woman. And the argument rings on even today. But, even though we've been talking about it for over two decades, clothing models aren't getting any bigger unless they are selling specifically to "bigger" women. I can honestly say I have no idea when the madness will end. Jesus, come soon.
Sure there have been campaigns which say, "Hail to the real woman! We're all different! And most of us don't look like that! So why not use a variety of women to sell your clothes, because a variety of women are buying them!"
Quick side note: Imagine if only "skinny" ladies bought clothes at stores like Free People, Urban Outfitters, Target, Hollister, etc. Well, for one, all of us other girls would have to learn to sew. But, most of all, those places would go out of business in a heartbeat. Or maybe even be forced to appeal to everyone? *gasp* But, like a utopian society, the concept is practically unrealistic and I don't think a boycott of such proportions is on the horizon, or even in the distant, distant future. Not to mention most of us don't know how nor do we have the time to make our own. (However, if we did achieve such a skill, I'm sure Joanne's Fabrics would be popping up around town quicker than the speed of your multiple, local Starbucks and the lost art of needlepoint would be lost no longer. Our grandmother's would also give us a hefty high five, I do declare.) I digress.
No matter how much we rant in online articles and support such campaigns, things still aren't changing. Yeah, they're apologizing and removing photographs, but they're not hiring a whole new staff because of one little setback. No, it remains the same as it ever was and little girls like I once was will cry into their mirrors because they don't look like that. Here's hoping that they have mommies strong enough to tell them otherwise!
And let me say, too, that all of this absolutely applies to the male population as well. However, I must state with some certainty, and I think men would agree, that women get the bulk of the scrutiny. Why is this? Maybe because, yeah, we tend to like clothes and makeup and feeling pretty in that new dress and trying out that new mascara. It's fun! It's not to say we aren't just as beautiful with no clothes and no makeup on (oo la la!), but, to me, it's like almost like art. It's an expression of what you like and who you are inside; it displays your personality. And so, we women are their biggest clients and all we're seeing in their ads are women in a weight range that may not even be healthy for us. Lame. So lame. Are there any models out there who are 5'5 and 150 lbs? Doubtful. I don't even know if there are models who are 5'9 and weigh a 150 lbs. Possible, but it's a fat chance (ba dum tss).
Basically, I'm just real tired. Real tired of there not being a girl who looks just like me in a dress that I would look pretty smokin' in. Amiright? I see pretty girls everywhere I go, everywhere I go, everywhere I go and they are wearing some outfit that I admire because, darn it, they look fantastic and they do mostly because of the way their body was made (however that may be). I understand the versatility a slender woman has with a lot of different styles of clothes, so you could say it's easier to dress them. I can tell you right now that there are some items I would feel extremely uncomfortable in because of my body shape. But, many a time I will find that a curvalicious woman would look stellar in a dress that looks alright on a girl half her size, and visa versa.
I'm real tired of the same ole same ole because frankly, that's all I've seen. A change would be ever-so refreshing, thank you very much. It makes me want to make my own line and just do it myself. I don't think anyone would have a problem with that. I feel like most people, too, would find it a novel idea. I suppose you could say it would feel like a Spring after a twenty year long winter (hashtag Narnia).
End rant.
Psalms 139: 13-16
NIV
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)