Shoes

So I'm going to take a second here and put on someone else's shoes. This particular topic has come up a lot for a long while and I think it's always a good idea to take a step back and see the other side of things:

I'm going to put on the shoes of a Christ-loving, God-fearing heterosexual and I'm going to take a look at my life in accordance to that. In order to firmly grasp (FIRMLY GRASP IT! Patrick? SpongeBob? No?) this perspective I'm going to pretend that God ordained marriage to be between two people of the same gender, and not the opposite. This would mean, that my feelings of attraction towards men would oppose God's intent and homosexual marriage is what God intended for humanity. Let's take a looksee. (And remember that this is hypothetical. When I say, "God says... " it is for the sake of the argument, not what the Lord actually, scripturally, said.)

 

* * * *

Ever since I was little I can remember having an attraction to boys. I remember being on the playground and wishing I could be that guy's girlfriend. As the years went by this attraction didn't go away and I was told that I was supposed to like girls... but I never felt that way about girls... the way you're supposed to feel about girls. I tried, because everyone told me to, but I just couldn't. Along the road I met Jesus and he changed my life. I had hoped that with the renewing of my heart and mind that my attraction would now switch over to girls. It didn't. I still am very much attracted to men.
I'm not going to say that I was not frustrated with God, because, I very much was. And I have pondered so much on it. I look at married couples and see that love and want that love, but... I can't have it? Why can't I? I am being bombarded by society telling me that I have to like girls and I can't get married to a boy.
But... why should I be concerned with what society has to say? I should be concerned with what God has to say. I want to see through God's eyes, I want to look through Christ's lens. And if I believe that The Bible is the holy and infallible word of God, and if I love Jesus with all that I am, heart, soul, strength and mind, then that must mean that I want to be saturated with who he is, what he's about, and be concerned with how He looks at me and what He wants for my life, not what society has to say.
I also have to take a good look at myself. Why am I this way? God knitted me in my mother's womb. And I'm sure I am not an accident. Then why am I so different? God created me, yes? Then why am I attracted to boys! He created me, I like boys, but he tells me I can't be with a boy?
Alright, alright. I am foremost a Christian, and I also can identify as a heterosexual. But, if being heterosexual is a sin (meaning, acting out on my heterosexual tendencies), then why have I been given this? Did God make me this way?
Here's the thing. I'm not just a heterosexual. I'm a sinner in all my rights. I don't just have tendencies towards members of the opposite sex, I also have inclinations to lie, to cuss, to laugh at dirty jokes, to gossip, to think badly about people... the list goes on. And if my temptation towards all of those sins, which have been ingrained in me, is the same as my temptation towards being in a heterosexual relationship with someone, then what am I to say to that? Did God give me this lust? Did God give me this desire to worship other gods besides him?
And now comes the clarity. The reason for my broken nature is the fall of man. Not only does the fall of man explain me, but it explains all of society. I look at society and the marriage that most homosexuals enjoy and I see the emptiness of it all because they don't see the beauty of God's intention. Marriage isn't about us. It's about God; it's about Jesus and The Church; it's a commitment to God as well as to another person, it is a gift of God to be enjoyed, a blessing to be able to fill the earth with God's people, making warriors for the kingdom; it's about so much more than we make of it in our simple minds.
If I want to have nothing to do with the shortcomings of this world and everything to do with Jesus, then I have to take a look at God's nature and God's law. And since I struggle mostly with the sin of heterosexuality, then I want to look at how God intended human relationships before the fall of man; when God looked and said, "It is good," before we messed up and made the choice to do it our own way and rebel against him.
Now, if God wanted man to be with man and woman to be with woman and ordained that only members of the same sex should come together in marriage, then so be it. Where do I get off saying that it should be otherwise? If I have given my life over to him, and promised him that I will try my best to follow him closely, and that means that I cannot marry, nor can I ever go on a date with a man, look at a man with lustful intent, kiss a man, then that is what I am to adhere to. If I want to honor God, then I can't be selfish. I especially can't twist his Word to accommodate my desires. Heck, that's what Satan did in the garden, did he not? And man even added onto the word of God, saying that we could not even touch the fruit let alone eat it. And look where that got us.
Yes, it does make me sad that I have been called to singleness because of my long-held desire towards marriage. If I cannot love a woman the way I would love a man in marriage, then I was not intended for the particular gift of marriage. Clearly, God has something else in mind for me. This doesn't mean I won't struggle at all, because I surely will. But, like I do with all the other sins in my life, I come to Jesus and call on the Holy Spirit to empower me so that I may overcome the desires of my wretched heart, and if I have fallen into them again, so I will come to Him with repentance. He understands the burden this life carries. He walked through this broken world. He knows what the fall has done to mankind. He felt the twinge of temptation. He overcame them. He is my rock and my salvation, and I will carry on with this life by his side, leaning on him, and laying my burdens upon him.
And, above all things, I will remember that he is good. He is just. And he is righteous beyond compare. We cannot fathom his wondrous ways. I know that I have been called according to his purpose, not my own. So I will be joyful and glad. I will count it all as loss for the surpassing worth of him. I am blessed. And I look forward to the days of glory, where there will be no more sorrow, pain or death.. Sin will be finally crushed for eternity and all the brokenness of this world wont even be a memory.

* * * *

 

Alright, so back to actual reality. My heart is brought to some ease knowing that I don't have to struggle with that sort of sin. But, just imagine for a second (if you are not homosexual and you have the desire to be united with someone in marriage one day) that married life was being ripped away from you. That is what it is like for a homosexual.

I have been blessed by the Lord that he has grown me in sanctification over these past few years and brought me out of my selfish thinking when it came to relationships with boys. It used to permeate my mind almost constantly. And, unfortunately, I was very much concerned with how this world was telling me to live in order to obtain affections from men. And, man, it was so screwed up, and it for sure screwed me up. I was terribly insecure and became lustful and I was incredibly unhappy and, frankly, angry with God for not bringing a boy into my life.

My lesson was learned, though. Just last year I caught a glimpse of God's plan for my life may be and realized that dating wouldn't really be wise for me in undergraduate school if it was true. If you've read my previous posts, you'd know that I have never had a boyfriend before, nor been on a date, or anything even close to that (holding hands, kissing, etc.). I had to come to terms with the fact that God has called me to singleness for a time and has asked me, yet again, to be patient. And if I have seen God's hand work in anything, it has been through waiting on him. I have learned that his plan is always, without a doubt, better than whatever I have in mind. And so, I'm gonna struggle a bit over the next few years.

And you know, I could come to find out later on that God has, indeed, called me to a life of singleness and celibacy. And that's hard to hear. Really hard to hear. But, like Jesus brought me out of the place I was in a few years ago, he can certainly draw me nearer to him and help me through life without a husband.

I believe that Jesus can change any heart, and, through sanctification, he can make our burden grow lighter. I do believe, and I think society might condemn me for saying this, that homosexuality is a result of the fall. But like the MANY, MANY other results of the fall (which, by the way, as a side note, include natural disasters, diseases, physical impairments and anything that is not good by God's standards) that we humans struggle with, we have to press on through them, fight against them, and look towards Jesus as we run this race. I'm not saying that the homosexual person will stop being homosexual, but when there is a result of the fall that causes you to want to sin, then we must try to avoid falling into temptation and acting upon it. We don't want to rebel against the one who bled for us, who saved us from the fate of The Father's righteous judgment upon those who turned away from him.

And we must, must, remember the greatest commandment which is to love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your mind and with all of your strength. And, secondly, to love your neighbor as yourself. We are to first love God with all that we are, and this should take over every aspect of our lives. And from this love, we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves. We were all created in the image of God, yet all of us have fallen short of the glory because of the choice we made to sin against him. We are all struggling with the results of the fall, and we must all make a choice to either give in or give it to Jesus, because he is the only one that saves us from it and the fate it brings us. We are to love the liar, the prostitute, the atheist, the homosexual, the "Christian" who knows nothing about Jesus, the guy with the picket sign yelling blasphemies in the name of our Lord and so on. We are all in the same boat. I am not deserving of glory just like everyone else.

I could go on with this post and talk about what marriage was intended to look like. In a nutshell, our purpose on the earth is to glorify and worship God and thus our marriage should reflect Him as well. If I start to go on, I could go on forever about the beauty of that marriage and how marriage has been so tainted by sinful man (whether that's heterosexual or homosexual - I mean look at the divorce rate!), but I won't. I will simply end with this.

I mourn with the Jesus-loving homosexual as I mourn with everyone else struggling with even the simplest of sins. The earth itself even groans underneath the curse. My goodness, Jesus mourned with his friends at the death of Lazarus even though he knew he would raise him up only moments later. He was mourning over the results of the fall and what it had done to his people. Sin and death are holding us captive, and he has come to redeem us and call us out of the grave. He made the greatest sacrifice for us, now we must respond by sacrificing for him.



 

It Is Well With My Soul

Horatio G. Spafford

 

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

Refrain

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

Refrain

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

Refrain

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

Refrain

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Refrain