I may or may not have mentioned before that my friends and I like to joke around that I was born in the wrong era. In my younger years I used to actually wish I was born in a different day and age; Victorian England maybe, where a figure and complexion of mine might've been more appreciated. Well, I'm not here today to talk about body image, which I could. I mean, maybe it inadvertently relates, but it's not necessarily my point.
I believe I may have talked about this subject a while back. I'm revisiting it, though, because
I have revisited it in a new light. Well, maybe not an entirely new light, but a brighter one; less dimmed by stubbornness and culturally appropriated bias. I admit, I'd hoped I'd get to this place in my life someday, but I never wanted to readily give in, seeing that I was holding onto childish dreams.
Alright, I'll get to the point then. I have finally realized, and come to terms with, my singleness. No strings attached singleness, mind you. Not the singleness I admitted before because that singleness was not very single at all. It was a singleness that was wrapped in the hopes of a future someone.
That was hardly singleness at all, although it might have been subconsciously given that definition.
In a culture that is constantly perpetuating the idea that everyone gets married at some point, I have come to face the fact that that might not be what God has in store for me. I always knew God's plan was bigger than my own, but my stubborn heart has time and time again had to let go of my own desires and plans for my life to open the door for him to work. I think I've done it this time. I'm still flawed in all my ways, never perfect, but I have walked a step further into my future... and it's absolutely grand.
Interestingly enough, what would seem like a Christian evangelical's nightmare - the national ban on gay marriage being lifted - has surfaced deep-seeded issues that seemed menial beforehand. It has caused me to think, and think really hard about what married life is; what is marriage, anyways? I haven't lost any of my previously held convictions, (which I spoke on almost a year ago in a previous
post about homosexuality,) but I have gained a new, broader appreciation for two of God's beautiful gifts to humanity: Marriage and Singleness.
That's right. I said singleness is a gift. A big gift. A really, really, cool, awesome, amazing
gift. And that's what I wasn't quite grasping before. That's where I am now, in my perpetually single state. Singleness is a beautiful gift that I have been given. Right now. I'm living in right now - and it's phenomenal.
When I was constantly looking to, and even fearing about, my future, I was not allowing myself to see what I have now as a blessing. I was looking to the future for that someone to come, telling myself that I'm okay with being single (with the subscript posted: "...single...
for now." and with that ever-floating thought of "when will he come?" creeping about in the recesses of my mind.) It was unhealthy and I confess that. I rebuke that thinking, even. We have been promised many things from God; many good, lovely things. Some in this life, but a lot of them are promised for the next. Marriage is not a promise we are given in this life. We are not guaranteed a spouse, and that is no punishment. I repeat: IT IS A GIFT. However, we
are promised a Marriage... but not in this life.
One of the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful promises for the saints, is the union to be had between Christ and his bride: The Church. What marriage in this life, if had, is supposed to be a foretaste of. We are promised, as Christians, the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.
"'Let us rejoice and exalt/ and give him the glory,/ for the marriage of the Lamb has come,/ and his Bride has made herself ready;/ it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure' - / for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.... And the angel said to me,... 'Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" (Rev. 19:7-9).
Ever since I became aware of the beauty of the image of earthly marriage as primarily a reflection of the union between Christ and the Church, I was enamored. More than I was enamored with marriage before because it was such a lovely gift of God that many are blessed with. I could talk about it, all day, how wonderful marriage between a man and woman is within God's intentions. And how much I wanted that! I wanted that gift! I wanted to experience that bond, as so many do.
Unfortunately, that beautiful bond is something that has been toyed around with for centuries. Ever since its incarnation, marriage has been used in far different ways than God intended. So, though the new deliberation by the Supreme Court is disheartening, it is not surprising. Or, at least, it shouldn't be. The definition of Marriage has become something relative; it is culturally appropriated. We can look across cultures and see their different takes on it: who or what to emphasize, what its ultimate purpose is, etc. But, with all these definitions being thrown around, how should we, as Christians in a (hopefully) Biblically-fueled culture of our own ("in the World, not of the World" hollaa) see marriage?
Well, sadly, we have toyed around with marriage as well. There are unlawful (in a Godly sense of the word "lawful") divorces that occur too often in the church. It shames me to think that we may have become just as flippant with marriage as the world has. Worldly culture has been leaking into our marriage system for a while, which is why it may be hard to argue our Biblical standards with those who want marriage for anyone and everyone who desires to have it. We haven't been sticking to our guns; we've been letting unhappy Christian couples abandon their marriages simply because it's "not working out".
And here's where I come in again. If you know me at all, you'd know that I love to get to the bottom of things. I believe there is a root to every problem and, as roots do, it lies beneath the surface. Why so many unhappy Christian marriages? Why is the divorce rate so high in society, Christian or not? I could simply scream, "SATAN! It's Satan's fault! Blame the beautiful musician fallen from heaven! It's him! The sworn enemy!" See, I could scream that. Or, I could give us partial credit. Which I will. I do think Satan has had his sneaky way with things, but we have made our own conscious choices to sway his way, our own way, and veer away from the God we love.
Look up "wedding" on the internet and you'll see some pretty incredible things pop up. Look up "love" or "love song" or "romance" or "chick flick." You're probably going to get a similar idea of where these all tie in together. There is an overarching theme: beauty, happiness, and "I'm not lonely anymore!" "Look how happy we are!" and "Don't ever leave me! I'll die!" Weddings are extravagant ordeals, happiness is found in cuddling, kissing, sex and family, and loneliness (i.e. Singleness) is the most dreadful thing a person can experience so get out there and find someone before you die an Old Maid.
And then there's me: the Old Maid. Well, I mean, I'm 21, so I'm not exactly what you would call old. But, as the World would have it, I'm pretty late on the uptake. If you've read my previous posts or know me personally, you'd know that I've never had a boyfriend, been on a date, been kissed, held hands, blah blah blah the whole romance shebang. Never. Pretty rare these days for a 21-year-old California girl, if you ask me. And for the longest time I resented that. And in more recent years, I've taken it as a "protective" blessing: that when my true love does come, it will be SO great because I've waiting this long for him (cue Disney Princess track). Now, I'm giving it all a giant X. I'm saying no. I'm saying NO. I'm saying I'm not waiting for a husband. I'm waiting for Jesus to come back. I'm waiting for eternity to arrive. I'm trying to be more kingdom-minded than marriage-minded.
All I know is, I'm single right now, in this day and age, and there's a marriage crisis at hand in more ways than one. We all need to just step back and reevaluate things. We as a Church need to be a whole lot less flippant with marriage, which I pray this whole gay-marriage ordeal will perpetuate within us. We need to bring back the idea of Singleness as just as much a gift as Marriage. We need to reveal the lies that the world is feeding about Marriage and Singleness and replace them with Biblical, nourishing, teaching on both, especially to our youths.
So, what does this mean for me? And for other Singles (or simply, unmarrieds) out there? Well, it means that I need to truly be content where God has me now and not believe the lie that I am guaranteed a husband or that having a husband will fulfill a need in me. I need to remind myself that Christ is enough. He is my sustainer. He has what is best for me. I need to lean on the promise of him, knowing what I am Biblically guaranteed in this life and the next, and what are blessings for some and not for others. This means better Biblical literacy. This means being more intimate with God, giving myself up to him, as a wife does her husband (which, ultimately speaking, wives and husbands should be doing - giving themselves up to Christ first). I need to re-recognize my purpose and think about that as an individual for Christ, rather than a woman waiting for man to come and help her along with it. All this, though, without leaving out the possibility for another to come in: Maybe God does have someone for me in the future. Maybe he doesn't. That's up to him; that's His plan, which I have hardly an idea about right now, at least long term. Again, all I know is, I'm single right now. But single in the arms of my Savior.
I live in this era. I was predestined to live in the 21st century, not the 19th like I thought I should've been. This is a unique age in which I can be a single woman, if that is indeed the life God has chosen for me, and be able to sustain myself without a husband. It is also an age in which our Christian definition of marriage is being severely challenged. This life, whichever path,
will be a fight. A tough fight. But God has given me it all so that I can be strong in who he, the omniscient holy one, has made me to be, and remember that it cannot all be done on my own. I'm single, but I'm weak. He is strong enough to win this fight, helping me battle the fleeting promises and desires the world offers me for His ultimate promise. I live to worship. I live to serve. I make the choice of who I give that to, and that is to Christ Jesus my Lord - no strings attached.
Press on Saints!
Olivia
P.S. For more info on the super cool, really awesome gifts of Singleness, check out these
video's by Tim Keller and John Piper posted on Gospel Coalition's page. They're rad.
Really rad.
“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all."
Disney's Mulan
(That's right, I made fun of Disney and then used a Disney quote. So what? Mulan is a great example, okay?)
