Poetry Hour: Entry 6 - She Sips in Silence - "Divine Intention"

Another poem taken from my portfolio, "She Sips in Silence." If you can or can't tell, it was assigned as a sonnet. I made it a wee bit imperfect, giving a feminine ending to two of the lines, both of which correspond to one another (Lines 3 & 10). "Divine Intention" is another one of my poems, like "A Season's Sigh," that I didn't like too much at first (the first draft was written in the span of about a half an hour). But, it's come to be one that yields a good reminder for me. So, here goes.

 

Divine Intention 

 

Bodies, each one unique and beautiful.

Odd shapes, curved shapes, straight shapes, all good and right

And yet scorn scoffs and sneers as we see blindly;

Marred the marrow that lives in each of us.

What shadow has cast upon us that we

Would see with such small eyes to cut a tear,

Snare one another into these limits.

Bodies, each one broken and ripped apart.

Odd shapes, curved shapes, straight shapes, all good and right

And yet our desires would imprint a scale;

Scarred the heart that bleeds and beats beneath us.

What love has been lost amongst us that we

Would blink at frame and form and shake us down,

Pounding at our original image.

Human, let us return from darkness far.

Beauty, let us remember who we are. 

Single in the Arms of My Savior

I may or may not have mentioned before that my friends and I like to joke around that I was born in the wrong era. In my younger years I used to actually wish I was born in a different day and age; Victorian England maybe, where a figure and complexion of mine might've been more appreciated. Well, I'm not here today to talk about body image, which I could. I mean, maybe it inadvertently relates, but it's not necessarily my point.

I believe I may have talked about this subject a while back. I'm revisiting it, though, because I have revisited it in a new light. Well, maybe not an entirely new light, but a brighter one; less dimmed by stubbornness and culturally appropriated bias. I admit, I'd hoped I'd get to this place in my life someday, but I never wanted to readily give in, seeing that I was holding onto childish dreams.

Alright, I'll get to the point then. I have finally realized, and come to terms with, my singleness. No strings attached singleness, mind you. Not the singleness I admitted before because that singleness was not very single at all. It was a singleness that was wrapped in the hopes of a future someone. That was hardly singleness at all, although it might have been subconsciously given that definition.

In a culture that is constantly perpetuating the idea that everyone gets married at some point, I have come to face the fact that that might not be what God has in store for me. I always knew God's plan was bigger than my own, but my stubborn heart has time and time again had to let go of my own desires and plans for my life to open the door for him to work. I think I've done it this time. I'm still flawed in all my ways, never perfect, but I have walked a step further into my future... and it's absolutely grand.

Interestingly enough, what would seem like a Christian evangelical's nightmare - the national ban on gay marriage being lifted - has surfaced deep-seeded issues that seemed menial beforehand. It has caused me to think, and think really hard about what married life is; what is marriage, anyways? I haven't lost any of my previously held convictions, (which I spoke on almost a year ago in a previous post about homosexuality,) but I have gained a new, broader appreciation for two of God's beautiful gifts to humanity: Marriage and Singleness.

That's right. I said singleness is a gift. A big gift. A really, really, cool, awesome, amazing gift. And that's what I wasn't quite grasping before. That's where I am now, in my perpetually single state. Singleness is a beautiful gift that I have been given. Right now. I'm living in right now - and it's phenomenal.

When I was constantly looking to, and even fearing about, my future, I was not allowing myself to see what I have now as a blessing. I was looking to the future for that someone to come, telling myself that I'm okay with being single (with the subscript posted: "...single...for now." and with that ever-floating thought of "when will he come?" creeping about in the recesses of my mind.) It was unhealthy and I confess that. I rebuke that thinking, even. We have been promised many things from God; many good, lovely things. Some in this life, but a lot of them are promised for the next. Marriage is not a promise we are given in this life. We are not guaranteed a spouse, and that is no punishment. I repeat: IT IS A GIFT. However, we are promised a Marriage... but not in this life.

One of the most beautiful, if not the most beautiful promises for the saints, is the union to be had between Christ and his bride: The Church. What marriage in this life, if had, is supposed to be a foretaste of. We are promised, as Christians, the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.

 "'Let us rejoice and exalt/ and give him the glory,/ for the marriage of the Lamb has come,/ and his Bride has made herself ready;/ it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure' - / for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.... And the angel said to me,... 'Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" (Rev. 19:7-9). 

Ever since I became aware of the beauty of the image of earthly marriage as primarily a reflection of the union between Christ and the Church, I was enamored. More than I was enamored with marriage before because it was such a lovely gift of God that many are blessed with. I could talk about it, all day, how wonderful marriage between a man and woman is within God's intentions. And how much I wanted that! I wanted that gift! I wanted to experience that bond, as so many do.

Unfortunately, that beautiful bond is something that has been toyed around with for centuries. Ever since its incarnation, marriage has been used in far different ways than God intended. So, though the new deliberation by the Supreme Court is disheartening, it is not surprising. Or, at least, it shouldn't be. The definition of Marriage has become something relative; it is culturally appropriated. We can look across cultures and see their different takes on it: who or what to emphasize, what its ultimate purpose is, etc. But, with all these definitions being thrown around, how should we, as Christians in a (hopefully) Biblically-fueled culture of our own ("in the World, not of the World" hollaa) see marriage?

Well, sadly, we have toyed around with marriage as well. There are unlawful (in a Godly sense of the word "lawful") divorces that occur too often in the church. It shames me to think that we may have become just as flippant with marriage as the world has. Worldly culture has been leaking into our marriage system for a while, which is why it may be hard to argue our Biblical standards with those who want marriage for anyone and everyone who desires to have it. We haven't been sticking to our guns; we've been letting unhappy Christian couples abandon their marriages simply because it's "not working out".

And here's where I come in again. If you know me at all, you'd know that I love to get to the bottom of things. I believe there is a root to every problem and, as roots do, it lies beneath the surface. Why so many unhappy Christian marriages? Why is the divorce rate so high in society, Christian or not? I could simply scream, "SATAN! It's Satan's fault! Blame the beautiful musician fallen from heaven! It's him! The sworn enemy!" See, I could scream that. Or, I could give us partial credit. Which I will. I do think Satan has had his sneaky way with things, but we have made our own conscious choices to sway his way, our own way, and veer away from the God we love.

Look up "wedding" on the internet and you'll see some pretty incredible things pop up. Look up "love" or "love song" or "romance" or "chick flick." You're probably going to get a similar idea of where these all tie in together. There is an overarching theme: beauty, happiness, and "I'm not lonely anymore!" "Look how happy we are!" and "Don't ever leave me! I'll die!" Weddings are extravagant ordeals, happiness is found in cuddling, kissing, sex and family, and loneliness (i.e. Singleness) is the most dreadful thing a person can experience so get out there and find someone before you die an Old Maid.

And then there's me: the Old Maid. Well, I mean, I'm 21, so I'm not exactly what you would call old. But, as the World would have it, I'm pretty late on the uptake. If you've read my previous posts or know me personally, you'd know that I've never had a boyfriend, been on a date, been kissed, held hands, blah blah blah the whole romance shebang. Never. Pretty rare these days for a 21-year-old California girl, if you ask me. And for the longest time I resented that. And in more recent years, I've taken it as a "protective" blessing: that when my true love does come, it will be SO great because I've waiting this long for him (cue Disney Princess track). Now, I'm giving it all a giant X. I'm saying no. I'm saying NO. I'm saying I'm not waiting for a husband. I'm waiting for Jesus to come back. I'm waiting for eternity to arrive. I'm trying to be more kingdom-minded than marriage-minded.

All I know is, I'm single right now, in this day and age, and there's a marriage crisis at hand in more ways than one. We all need to just step back and reevaluate things. We as a Church need to be a whole lot less flippant with marriage, which I pray this whole gay-marriage ordeal will perpetuate within us. We need to bring back the idea of Singleness as just as much a gift as Marriage. We need to reveal the lies that the world is feeding about Marriage and Singleness and replace them with Biblical, nourishing, teaching on both, especially to our youths.

So, what does this mean for me? And for other Singles (or simply, unmarrieds) out there? Well, it means that I need to truly be content where God has me now and not believe the lie that I am guaranteed a husband or that having a husband will fulfill a need in me. I need to remind myself that Christ is enough. He is my sustainer. He has what is best for me. I need to lean on the promise of him, knowing what I am Biblically guaranteed in this life and the next, and what are blessings for some and not for others. This means better Biblical literacy. This means being more intimate with God, giving myself up to him, as a wife does her husband (which, ultimately speaking, wives and husbands should be doing - giving themselves up to Christ first). I need to re-recognize my purpose and think about that as an individual for Christ, rather than a woman waiting for man to come and help her along with it. All this, though, without leaving out the possibility for another to come in: Maybe God does have someone for me in the future. Maybe he doesn't. That's up to him; that's His plan, which I have hardly an idea about right now, at least long term. Again, all I know is, I'm single right now. But single in the arms of my Savior.

I live in this era. I was predestined to live in the 21st century, not the 19th like I thought I should've been. This is a unique age in which I can be a single woman, if that is indeed the life God has chosen for me, and be able to sustain myself without a husband. It is also an age in which our Christian definition of marriage is being severely challenged. This life, whichever path, will be a fight. A tough fight. But God has given me it all so that I can be strong in who he, the omniscient holy one, has made me to be, and remember that it cannot all be done on my own. I'm single, but I'm weak. He is strong enough to win this fight, helping me battle the fleeting promises and desires the world offers me for His ultimate promise. I live to worship. I live to serve. I make the choice of who I give that to, and that is to Christ Jesus my Lord - no strings attached.

Press on Saints!
Olivia

P.S. For more info on the super cool, really awesome gifts of Singleness, check out these video's by Tim Keller and John Piper posted on Gospel Coalition's page. They're rad. Really rad.

“The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all."

 Disney's Mulan 

(That's right, I made fun of Disney and then used a Disney quote. So what? Mulan is a great example, okay?)

Poetry Hour: Entry 5 - She Sips in Silence - "A Season's Sigh"

I recently finished up a poetry class at my university in which I wrote and revised work, eventually leading up to a portfolio. I titled the portfolio, She Sips in Silence, from one of the haiku's I wrote at the beginning of the class. It made sense with the general theme I had throughout the work, which ironically I didn't detect until someone else pointed it out to me. This poem was the favorite of my friend, Parker Munson, who wrote the introduction to the portfolio. Funny, I didn't particularly like this one to begin with, but after revising I found a fondness for it. This happened with a couple of the poems, some even going in the opposite direction: I started out liking them, and then learned to be quite annoyed with them. Anyways, this poem is called "A Season's Sigh", which I believe derived from our Image Poem assignment, but I'm not 100% sure. Here goes:

A Season’s Sigh

 

snowcaps across a vast blue sky,
snug between heaven and earth,
blanketed by blue, broken above
pine painted the deepest of greens,
crashing against the shock of yellow and white;
baby’s breath and daisies; dandelions kiss the grass
which climbs to whisper at his shoulders
motionless he gazes, and faces

Up

sun sparkled snow glistens in eyes
frozen and fixed, alight and bewitched
by the towers that leave him in raptures.
but he turns to me.
it’s merely a moment, a sigh, such that
 no season could ever begin to describe.
a smile grows, radiating more than any
sunbeam or seraphim; it’s him
that glows with that heavenly grin.

wise men say, only fools rush in.

 

On the Juke: Josh Garrels - Home

Relax, kick back, and enjoy. Sweet sounds and sweeter lyrics attributed to Josh Garrel's. This is for sure going on a few playlists of mine.

                                                         photo courtesy of: http://joshgarrels.com/

Check out Garrel's new album, Home, released today on Spotify, iTunes, or for free download on his website.

A Measure of Beauty

It's been awhile since I've written, that's for certain. I make the excuse of my collegiate studies; I really don't have that much free time on my hands to post, let alone for anything social at all. But, it has been in this season of challenge that I have grown and learned a lot. It is always so funny how at one point in life, we think we know everything, or that we've grown to our capacity, and then another day we wake up and see so much change in the present and naivety in the past.
Well, I've always been inclined to share whatever has been showering my mind, and lately that's been beauty and love. Oh, sure, it sounds so cliché, and I thought it was also, until I really, truly, came to terms with it. Frankly, I've been sanctified in a way where I see people as Jesus see's them. Not perfectly, of course, but in a much broader way than I have before.
I am aware that I have previously posted on this subject, and maybe this is all repetitive, but I don't think it is.
It's come to my attention that our perception of beauty is focusing on the wrong front. Sure, we've been told since we were little that beauty lies on the inside, but our attention still lies on the exterior for the most part today. It's interesting to note how this fourth wave of feminism has motivation for a wide acceptance of all shapes and forms of exterior beauty, but that in itself still hones in on the exterior. (Mind you, I'm not saying that that is all there is to the fourth wave of feminism, believe me. But that is where a lot of the media is taking their strength in the subject). And there's the rub.
I'd be a fool to say that there were nothing at all in exterior beauty. I believe that God formed us with a body and soul, interweaved wonderfully, and therefore prizes both. But we tend to take value more and more in the body than in the soul, and that's a major issue.
Alright, alright. So let's think for a second. When someone comes up to you one day, after you've put on a full face of make up and wore that new dress you bought and got your hair did or whatever, and says, "Wow, you look beautiful!" how does that make you feel? Good? Sure. But when someone comes up to you, on a day where there was no time for any of those shenanigans and you haven't showered in a while and you've just not prepared, and they either say nothing at all, or frown and ask if you're tired or sick, then how do you feel? Awful, I'm sure. You could apply this to boys as well, maybe save the makeup and the dresses, and they'd feel the same, I would suppose. And so it goes.
Now you feel like if you want to feel good about yourself that day, you have to try hard, look your best, and receive a good word from others on the way you look. Imagine a day when you cannot help that you look tired, that you have wrinkles, that your body is slowly decaying. You can take a look at some mid-life crisis women these days with plastic faces and wonder again if that's the road you're on. Well, let me tell you, it doesn't have to be.
There needs to be a change and the change starts with us. It only takes a few words, but it's the right words that make these things count.
You could simply say, "Hey, I see a lot of joy in you. It's lovely." Or, "You've been really loving to a lot of people and it really shows. Thank you." Or even, "I can tell you've been working hard and your ambition is really encouraging to me." And, especially, "I see Christ in you. It's magnificent." There's a world of possibilities here. I firmly believe that the amount of compliments on the internal outweigh in capacity and in measure exponentially. They last. And what do you think the reaction will be? They will then be more inclined to pursue joy or show more love or appreciate their own hard work and look and act more like Jesus rather than focus on the zit that just popped up out of nowhere or that their muscle tone is slowly fading away. These things are lasting; Matters of the heart are eternal.
I have been trying to see this more in people, because I know that Jesus looks at the heart, not the body or face. Sure, he appreciates our bodies as God's handiwork, but, as Ecclesiastes tells us, beauty of this kind is vain. He looks to the heart and to the mind, deep into our souls, and finds his image more there than in any of our other aspects.
Look at each other as image bearers of God and see the value in that; see the purpose in that; see the beauty in that. Look at every person this way: the homeless man on the street, the beauty queen, the "weird" kid in your class, the girl or guy you just can't stand, or the girl or guy you have always thought the world of but never let them know. When you see this beauty, I encourage you, tell them! Tell them immediately! Tell them with a heart of love and appreciation. This they will carry with them longer than any compliment of the curves, of the muscles, of the bones ever will.

 

“No matter how plain a woman may be, if truth and honesty are written across her face, she will be beautiful.”

 Eleanor Roosevelt 

 

“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.”

 Audrey Hepburn